Editorials
Open Letter to Quorthon
Dear Quorthon,
Dude, you rule. I mean it. You are a true pioneer. Every black metal band in existence today owes you a debt of gratitude for giving birth to their genre along with Venom. And your music, whoa… From the simplistic, but revolutionary beginnings to the thrashing of Octagon to the epic, Viking Metal of your most recent work.
This stuff is amazing. Great, galloping riffs and doom-like pronouncements of the elements. And gallant acoustic guitar passages that literally sound like they come from the late 1200s. Your ability to arrange music and convey mood is absolutely incredible.
But you can’t sing worth a s%@$…
It’s not that you don’t have good lyrical concepts or melodies. You do. I love the low, solemn reflections and twisted harmonies. It’s just that you physically can’t sing worth a s&@$. Whatever gift people are born with in this area, you missed Christmas. When you start singing on “Mother Earth Father Thunder” on Nordland I, I want to literally crawl under a desk. You think you’re saying “Fuck you” to us. But you’re really saying “Fuck you” to yourself. Who’s going to take that voice seriously?
It’s bad. Someone’s 6-year old brother would be a better vocalist. That’s right. Little Danny Kimble would have more tonal command.
Come on, it’s not like you wouldn’t still be the front-man. We all know you’re the main man, the genius behind Bathory all these years, The Pioneer, for chrissakes. No matter who is standing on the stage with you, we will hail you.
And can you imagine how good Bathory would be with an Eric Adams of Manowar, say, on lead vocals? Do you want me to say “Bathory is one of the best metal bands on the planet”? I want to say those words. Help me say those words. In the immortal words of Dr. Evil, throw me a friggin’ bone here, Quorthon.
Listen, you know I am a loyal citizen. I even posted a photo of you doing guitar dips over a waterfall (when you still had some hair) on our website.
But you must stop singing. Please! That is bloody terrible! Even your slaves—errr…drummers must be close to revolt!
As a final argument, I submit that a viking who sang like this would have been strapped to a boulder and sent to the bottom of the North Sea. Don’t we deserve the same consideration?
By: Ladd Everitt
Comments:
- Hail!!! Stop the madness. Stop the destruction of otherwise great music.
- Amen, brother! Quorthon should stick to screaming or find a real vocalist.
- Quorthon has a style that's completely his own. I'd rather listen to him sing than listen to all of these stupid fucking Gothenburg bands copy off of each other.
- Quorthon, I know where Ladd lives. For directions, contact me at Lachesis5@excite.com
- What the fuck? Do you think vikings were trained opera singers or something?
- If the vikings couldn't sing a luscious three-part melody, then life wouldn't be worth living.
- No offense, Ladd, but I find your comments disrespectful and off the mark. Quorthon is Bathory and I couldn't imagine it any way else. I wouldn't call death metal, thrash metal, black metal, etc., singing either. If you're looking for Barbara Streisand, then you're listening to the wrong music.
- Very accurate points. Bathory would still be Bathory, only better, if Quorthon hired someone with a truly epic voice to match his music.
- I like Quorthon's voice--it has feeling. No one else could have pulled off a song like "Twilight of the Gods" as well.
- It's kind of like saying Tom G. Warrior shouldn't have sang for Celtic Frost.
- Exactly^
- If you really fell that Quorthon rules, then a letter like this is very disrespectful. Keep stupidity like this to yourself.
- *Feel*
- Yeah, because liking someone means you must ignore their faults. Respect MUST be unquestioning. Idiot.
- I agree 1,000%. The music is godly, but the vocals ruin it sometimes.
- If you like Bathory, then after 20 years you should be used to the vocals. I may not always like the vocal style Quorthon uses for each song, and I wouldn't go so far to say he is a great vocalist, but he is far from the worst. I can understand the nature of this complaint, but do not agree.
- Respect Quorthon's vox!!!
- Hey Quorth-dude, I know it'll never happen but how 'bout a tour for chrissakes! So get a 30-piece band, I'll foot the bill. Just get up there and sing dammit!
- Eric Adams singing for Bathory? Are you crazy? Adams grates on the nerves. Quorthon's vocals have a primal, raw, unpretentious and passionate edge. I can't imagine anyone else 'singing' such masterpieces as "Shores In Flames" and "Liberty and Justice."
- No, Bathory should not change vocalists. The band is not broke - why fix it? Remember Metallica wanted Sammy Dijon and John Bush to be their vocalist, and James was just the right vocalist for the job. That example applies with the Bathory situation.
- It's true. He can't hold a note and often does not sing in key.
- Black metal sux!!!
- Hey, I LIKE Quorthorn's singing. Sure he wavers off the note more often than he should, but to me Bathory always sounded the way it should, flaws or not.
- If Bathory had Eric Adams on vox, they wouldn't be "one of the best metal bands," they would be far and away the best.
- Manowar? MANOWAR? Were you, like, dropped on the head as baby or something? Quorthon has an incredibly powerful voice. It may not be note perfect, but show me someone who doesn't feel their neck hair tingling when he sings "I die to go ooo-oon!"...
- Dammit to hell, I was sad when he died.
- Ladd is a mad genius. This was just the good laugh I needed. Shades of Douglas Adams and the Electric Monk. Even funnier is no one seems to appreciate the humor in this piece.
- Bathory owns 'em all!!! R.I.P.
- Quorthon's vocals were actually what initially got me into Bathory. I can't see "One Rode to Asa Bay" (my first Bathory song) being my favorite song of all time with another vocalist.
- OK, Quorthon's (R.I.P.) voice is better suited for black metal, but I LOVE it in Viking Metal as well. I guess its an acquired taste, but I love it both ways!
- It feels wrong reading this now that he's dead.
- Bollocks to that! Quorthon has this distorted voice going best with his music. Go listen to "Home of Once Brave."
- I personally LOVE Quorthon's vocals, whether screaming, shouting, singing or chanting. He's one of my favorite metal vocalists - primal, raw, genuine and passionate. Ladd, maybe you should stick with overpolished crap like Dream Theater.
- too bad now...the man's dead.
(If you're interested in writing a guest editorial for TTM, submit your idea/proposal to LaddDC@AOL.com)Previous Editorials:
The Natural Progression of Metal (4/24/2008)
Inside the Life of a Metal DJ (9/29/2007)
Petition to Roadrunner Records (8/8/2007)
Great Metalhead Milestones (1/7/2007)
Young Ones - The New Metal Generation (9/12/2006)
God, Religion, and Metal (7/5/2006)
Open Letter to Devin Townsend (3/4/2006)
Why Don't More Women Listen to Heavy Metal? (12/18/2005)
Boycott Ozzfest (11/4/2005)
How to Keep an Open Mind (10/11/2005)
The 10 Most Important Metal Drummers in History (8/13/2005)
7 More Logical Reasons: Priest vs. Maiden (7/6/2005)
Setting The Record Straight (6/3/2005)
A Murder Most Foul (3/18/2005)
10 Reasons Vinnie Vincent Invasion Crushes Your Skull (1/22/2005)
Featuring . . . (12/16/2004)
Master of Profits (10/22/2004)
To Wacken and Back (9/1/2004)
Punk'd (8/10/2004)
Your Mother Should Know (5/17/2004)
The Death of Passion (4/30/2004)
What is Nu-Metal? (3/19/2004)
Piece Of History (2/17/2004)
The Demise of Jon Schaffer (2/1/2004)
Move On (1/7/2004)
The Ten Commandments of Moshing (12/18/2003)
7 Logical Reasons: Maiden vs. Priest (12/3/2003)
Black Metal's Creative Leaders (11/15/2003)
Open Letter to Ron Keel (10/21/2003)
How The Pumpkin Stole Power Metal! (9/28/2003)
More Metal Than Thou (9/15/2003)
Electric Religion: The Philosophy of Warrel Dane (8/24/2003)
Can’t We All Just Get Along? (8/10/2003)
Conversation with Mikael Akerfeldt (8/4/2003)
Bands I Could Do Without (7/20/2003)
Underrated/Overrated (7/3/2003)
Trouble in Ozz (6/11/2003)
Aggression + Anger = Metal ? (5/20/2003)
Open Letter to Quorthon (4/23/2003)
Queen of the Ryche (1/8/2003)
Who Created Heavy Metal? (10/30/2002)
Top of the World (4/4/2002)
Diary of a Made Man (12/2/2001)
A Genre Gone Wrong (8/31/2000)
On the Road Again (8/16/2000)
The Year in Metal (3/24/2000)
